“I remembered how he used to teach this idea in the Group Process class back at Brandeis. I had scoffed back then, thinking this was hardly a lesson plan for a university course. Learning to pay attention? How important could that be? I now know it is more important than almost everything they taught us in college.”
“Tuesdays With Morrie” by Mitch Albom (1997)
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| • | First of all, recognize that listening has to be learned. We teach children to speak and adults to speak in public, but we don’t teach listening – so it’s hardly surprising that most of us are not very good at it. |
| • | Next, appreciate that listening takes time – but, as the Greek philosopher Epictetus put it: “God gave man two ears but only one mouth that he might hear twice as much as he speaks.” |
| • | Normally, listen while seated. This will show commitment and aid concentration. |
| • | If you expect the conversation to last some time and/or to be sensitive, isolate yourself. So, if you’re in an office, have the door nearly but not totally closed (so that you have privacy but your intentions are not misunderstood), advise colleagues that you’re not available, and switch off your mobile. |
| • | Compose yourself physically. So don’t twist your legs around each other or cross your arms, but instead be loose and open. |
| • | Compose the space physically – if it is your space as opposed to someone else’s office or a café. So try to have a quiet, welcoming space with fruit, flowers or pot pourri. |
| • | Now listen with an open mind and an open heart – free of preconceptions and prejudices. |
| • | To listen effectively, concentrate totally on the speaker and what is being said. Avoid the temptation to be preparing mentally an immediate reply. |
| • | Give visual encouragement to the speaker – such as facing the speaker, offering eye contact, and indulging in mild head nodding. |
| • | Give oral encouragement to the speaker – such as, in conversation, periodically using words like “yes”, “I see”, “I understand” or even just sounds like “mmm” or “ah”. |
| • | Don’t interrupt. Let the speaker tell the story in his/her own words and at his/her own pace. |
| • | Don’t rush to fill a silence. Often a speaker will be more forthcoming or revealing if he/she is given a chance to compose his/her thoughts. |
| • | Beware of making judgments and instead ask open questions – so not “You must have hated that”, but “How did you feel about that?” |
| • | If you want to be sure that you’ve understood a particular point, reflect it back to the speaker and check that this really is what he/she meant. |
| • | When you want to remember a detail – such as a name or meeting arrangements – repeat immediately and aloud whatever it is you wish to remember. Then, as soon as it is convenient, write it down. |
| • | If you’re listening at a meeting or a conference, take notes. This will aid your concentration at the time and assist your recall after the event. |
| • | When someone says ‘Can I talk to you sometime?’ try to make the time immediately to have a conversation. If someone has a worry or a suggestion or just a query, the sooner one can address it, the better for them (and, if you have a relationship with that person such as parent, partner or manager, probably for you). |
| • | Finally – and perhaps ironically – the last lesson on effective listening is knowing when to stop listening. There are occasions when the wise and proper thing to do is not to listen. If a friend or colleague abuses your willingness to listen by taking an excessive amount of your time or taking time which is inappropriate, you need to say so, politely but firmly. If a colleague is simply using you to pass on negative gossip, you should explain that you’re not in the business of running down colleagues or passing on tittle-tattle. If a colleague raises a work issue that should be taken up with that colleague’s line manager or trade union, you should say so. If the issue raised involves a medical condition or psychological problem, you should encourage the person concerned to seek professional help. You are a good listener – but you are not there to be ‘dumped on’ and you are certainly not a doctor or a psychotherapist. |
http://www.rogerdarlington.co.uk
| • | Remember: leadership skills and techniques can be learned. You don’t have to be a natural leader. Very few people are. |
| • | Know your team. At some point, every day, walk around the office and say “Hi” to everyone who works for you. If you’re not in the office that day, call and see how people are. |
| • | Meet your team. Regularly – daily, weekly or monthly, depending on your place and type of work – have meetings of all the members of the team. Keep these meetings short, focused and action-orientated. |
| • | Train your team. Every team member should have at least two days training a year. Newer and more senior colleagues should have more. If they don’t ask to go on training sessions, suggest some suitable courses. |
| • | Grow your team. Through varied experience and regular training, you should be developing each team member to be more and more confident and more skilled. |
| • | Set objectives for each team member. As far as possible, these objective such be SMART – Specific Measurable Achievable Resourced Timed. |
| • | Review the performance of each team member. At least once a year – at least quarterly for the first year of a new team member – have a review session where you assess performance, give feed-back and agree future objectives and training. |
| • | Inspire your team. Consider making available a motivational quote or story every week or month. |
| • | Socialize with your team. Have lunch or an after-work drink with them, especially when a staff member has a birthday or there’s another reason to celebrate. |
| • | Thank constantly. The words “Thank you” take seconds to say, but mean so much. |
| • | Praise constantly. The words “Well done” take seconds to say, but will be long remembered and appreciated. |
| • | Communicate constantly. Don’t assume that people know what you’re doing, still less what you are planning or thinking. Tell them, using all the communication tools to hand: team briefings, electronic newsletters, organisational newspapers. |
| • | Eliminate. Too often we do things because they’ve always been done. Life changes. Consider whether you could stop doing certain things altogether. |
| • | Delegate. You don’t have to do everything. Develop your team members by training them to do more and trusting them to take over some of the things you’ve been doing. |
| • | Empower. A really effective leader sets clear objectives for his team members, but leaves detailed implementation of these objectives to the discretion and judgement of individual members of the team. As Second World War U.S. General George S. Patton put it: “Don’t tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results”. |
| • | Facilitate. A confident leader does not try to micro-manage his team, but makes it clear that, if team members need advice or assistance, he is always there to facilitate and support. |
| • | Be on time. Always start meetings on time and finish them on time. Natural breaks keep people fresh. Short meetings concentrate the mind. |
| • | Be seen. Don’t just talk the talk, but walk the walk. So visit each unit or department for which you are responsible on a regular basis. Don’t do this unannounced – you are not out to undermine other leaders or catch out staff. So arrange with the unit leader or departmental head when you’ll visit and ask him or her to walk round with you. |
| • | Make time. Managers are often very busy and this can deter people from approaching you, so make time for people and be approachable. People will appreciate you taking five minutes out of your busy schedule, especially if you act on/listen to what they say. |
| • | Really listen. Many of us – especially those who think they are important – don’t really listen, but instead think about what they’re going to say next. Give the person speaking to you your full attention and really take on board what they are saying. |
| • | Accept honest criticism. Criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger – but it’s a powerful tool of learning. Above all, assess criticism on merit, without regard to its originator. |
| • | Think strategically. The doers cut a path through the jungle; the managers are behind them sharpening the machetes; the leaders find time to think, climb the nearest tree, and shout “Wrong jungle!” Find time to climb the trees. |
| • | Have a mentor or buddy, someone doing similar work in the same or a similar organisation with whom you can regularly and frankly discuss your progress and your problems as a leader. |
| • | Have a role model, someone who can inspire you to be a truly great leader. If you can’t find one, study Jed Bartlet as the American President in any episode of the television series “The West Wing”. |
| • | Constantly revisit and review these tips. In his seminal work, “The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People”, Stephen Covey puts it this way: “Sharpen the saw”. |
| • | Plan your succession. You won’t be there forever and you may not be in control of the timing and circumstances of your departure. So start now to mentor and train at least one colleague who could take over from you. |
Leadership Quotation
• Norman Allen
“Skill in the art of communication is crucial to a leader’s success. He can accomplish nothing unless he can communicate effectively.”
• Warren Bennis
“Leadership is the wise use of power. Power is the capacity to translate intention into reality and sustain it.”
• Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”
• Ralph Lauren
“A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved. He inspires the power and energy to get it done.”
• Amos Parrish
“The best leaders are those most interested in surrounding themselves with assistants and associates smarter than they are. They are frank in admitting this and are willing to pay for such talents.”
• Publius Cornelius Tacitus
“Reason and judgment are the qualities of a leader.”
• Christian Nevell Bovee
“Six traits of effective leaders:
Example has more followers than reason. We unconsciously imitate what pleases us, and approximate to the characters we most admire.”
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